Decide that one of you is always going to go home at midnight or whatever other time you agree on. These are a few rules for the road so you don’t get in an accident on the journey. Boundaries aren’t bad they’re actually a blessing. Well, so are your pain, disappointments and frustrations. You may be thinking, I don’t need boundaries. No matter how old or how experienced you are, if you want to have a pure relationship and not create too strong of a physical tie before marriage, then you need to agree from the outset about what you will or will not do. For example, if she said she wants to still be a virgin when she marries and he is pushing to have sex, that shows he doesn’t care about her values. And this vulnerability provides accountability later on. You get a chance to be protective of each other’s hearts. Maybe they include “getting pressured to be more physical than I want.” Or “telling my deep secrets and having you share them with your friends.” Or “not being treated like I’m important.” Or “having my hopes built up, only to have them ruined.”īy doing this, you each know something about your expectations. Write down your three greatest fears of being in relationship, and share them with each other. Or else it’s like a green light to continue the journey and see where it goes. The last time you meet with them, at the end of 90 days, it’s like an off-ramp to get out of the relationship easily if it hasn’t worked out. The first time you meet with them, it’s like an on-ramp to a relationship. If you can, go through this process with advisers in the form of a trusted married couple who are wise in the ways of the Lord. That’s not such a long time to spend forming an intentional friendship, which might lead to intentional dating, which might lead to marriage, now is it?

Gasp! “90 days?!” Hey, it’s just three months, less than the length of a football season. Take 90 days to get to know each other without pressure. Wouldn’t you like a clear path to a healthy relationship? In a time when relationships become “Facebook official” overnight, you need to take time - without everybody else applying pressure or giving an opinion - to see if you’re really attracted to the other person, if your values line up and if you can help each other become who you’re meant to be. I’m going to teach you the same process Natalie and I taught other couples who have been burned by relationships in the past and want to try an approach that leads to finding their mates without trashing their hearts in the process. How about trying a different approach to dating? And you know what they say about the definition of insanity - it’s doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. One of the reasons there’s a widespread definitional dating in our day is because recreational dating doesn’t deliver what it promises.

Mike todd pastor books